


Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)

by AmberWarrior



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 17:23:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5136239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberWarrior/pseuds/AmberWarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is forced to relive his last day alive for eternity because he never got to tell Eren what really mattered. </p><p>But will trauma of seeing his lover continuously mourn him moments before his death slowly lead him to his own tragedy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)

 

When Levi opened his eyes, he was too tired to even filter the dread poisoning his bloodstream. It was a scene he knew all too well. The ceiling of his old room. The pale strands of sunrise dappling his room through the thin curtain net. 

 

Today they would expedition outside the walls to capture an aberrant titan which had been showing extremely erratic and confound behaviour. With it having appeared several times during previous expeditions, Hanji’s will and demand for further research was eventually accepted. Levi had lost count of how many times he’d been on this expedition, only to die and return to start; the birds chirping the same rhythms, his companions uttering the same words. It was like a broken game; pure havoc.

 

As he forced himself out of bed and into his riding clothes and manoeuvre gear, he didn’t pray to survive. He had tried before - an attempt that only led to further dissolution and futile expectations. Rather, he prayed he wouldn’t have to face the same ending. One that always ends with his body cradled in a warm and sturdy body that shook and trembled with great sobs, bright green eyes looking at his in desolation and despair before Levi’s eyes closed against his own will - only to open and see the familiar pale, splintering ceiling.

 

Buttoning his cape he strode out door, forcing the useless and distracting thoughts behind. Erwin and the brat would be waiting.

 

* * *

 

As Levi neared the thickest part of the forest, he fought against the urge to just kill himself here and now. A simple cut through his heart could at least postpone seeing such an expression on Eren’s face. He willed his horse to go faster. Soon, he’d wake up, and the horrible cycle of life and death would begin all over again.

 

“Another titan is following us, Levi!” Eren reported, riding on his own horse close behind. “That makes seven.”

“Good.” he replied through grit teeth. “The more we can out of the way, the better. The capturing should start soon.”

“Yes, Captain!”

 

A blackberry bush caught the corner of his eye, and he prepared to stop. It was here where everything fell apart. Unknowing, Eren gained on him slowly. “Levi? Why are you slowing-”

A quick glance to his partner showed the clear devastation and fear that plastered Eren’s expression, and Levi gave sharp pull to the reins. They were here. Eren mirrored the action, sliding off his horse.

 

“Levi…” Eren choked out, a weak pointer finger accusing the faint shadows appearing from the trees in front of them.

“I know.” Levi dismounted; it wasn’t time for reassertion.

“There’s five.” he whispered, panic evident in his voice. “There’s already seven behind us, there’s no way…”

“There is.”

“Huh?”

 

“I’ll keep them here. You go back to Erwin and help with the capture.” The rehearsed words rung heavily in his ears.

 

“What?” Eren exclaimed, horrified. “You want to take on _twelve_ yourself? You may be Humanity’s Strongest, but-”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Are you questioning your Captain?”

“What? No! But-”

“Then go, brat.” The edge of his cape brushed Eren’s hand as he turned to face the titans. “And come back alive. I’ll be waiting.”

 

Watching the titans in front slowly emerge from the greenery, Eren snapped his head to look behind them, seeing the other seven do the same. He glanced at his lover, both Levi’s swords ready at hand to disappear into the trees, and Eren’s expression softened slightly. 

 

Running up to him, Eren gave a quick peck to his lover’s cheek before mounting his horse. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

Levi scoffed. “Like you’d be the one telling me that.”

“Well someone has to.” Eren grinned. “I’ll be back as fast as I can.” he promised, flicking the reins before he became a mere blur before Levi’s eyes.

 

Levi jumped into the trees.

 

* * *

 

_9…_

 

Steam and blood cascaded down his swords; the screams of the titans quaked the entire forest.

 

_10…_

 

The wind felt harsh and cool against his flying body; it had been all too long.

 

_11…_

 

A huge chunk of the titan’s nape split from the body; Levi landed on a branch, momentarily cleaning his swords of the offending red liquid.

 

_12?_

 

A quick survey of the clearing showed no signs of the last titan. Levi frowned, aiming his manoeuvre gear to the ground and leaping before a sudden, violent jerk to the side made him momentarily black out. The feeling of bark piercing his sides and the familiar snap of bones sent a shock down his spine that travelled through every nerve of his body like lightning. 

 

The titan hand that had hit him midair had come from nowhere, and without hesitation, reached for his prey once again. With a grunt, Levi fell, for what felt like an eternity, to the dirt, hearing the sickening sound of more bones fracturing and completely numb to the excruciating pain that ran through his legs. He lay paralysed, reduced to watching in his own self-loathing, the monstrous face that loomed closer and closer to his own.

 

And then the titan stopped. And fell face first to the ground.

 

Levi didn’t bother to question it. He had to close his eyes to prevent himself from upturning the blood that threatened to regurgitate, already knowing which stupid brat had turned around midway in a sudden wave of conscience. Risking Levi’s fury for a sick feeling in his stomach that things would not be alright as Levi had said. Gradually lifting Levi’s upper body gently into his lap with trembling arms and bloodstained hands.

 

“Oh god,” Eren managed to chock out, his eyes glazed over with an emotion Levi couldn’t decipher. His hand rose shakily to cover his trembling mouth. “Oh god, you’re bleeding, Levi…” 

Levi felt fingers hover the part of his side that seemed to burn the most, in what he knew was a futile attempt to save it.

“We can help you,” Eren muttered, bringing his hand to cradle Levi’s face instead. “Hanji-” A lump rose in his throat. “H-Hanji can help you-”

“Shut up, you idiot.” It was all Levi could do to keep his voice steady, seeing the tears pooling in the corners of Eren’s wide eyes, threatening to spill. _Don’t let me do this again,_ Levi thought, closing his eyes. _Stop making me make him cry._

 

“Hey,” Levi’s fingers twitched and Eren immediately reached to intertwine their fingers. Levi felt the darkness slipping closer. “Your eyes…”

 

A choked sob slipped out of his lover; the last thing Levi saw was a brilliant green-blue.

 

* * *

 

Levi hadn’t even been fully conscious before he was suddenly pulled into a searing kiss. Reflexively, he wrapped his arms around Eren, relishing the heat that suddenly coursed through his body at the action, his hands tangling themselves in the mop of brown hair it had longed to touch for so long. The arm around his waist tightened in response.

 

Dazed, Levi hadn’t even noticed when the other had begun to pull back and his eyes opened in a trance. Almost immediately, the hand cupping his face and gone, the arm that held him now pulling back.

 

“Wha…”

Eren mounted his horse. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?” 

_Wait._ “Like you’d be the one telling me that.” _I just got to see you again._

“Well someone has to.” Eren grinned.

_Don’t go._ The words stuck to the back of his throat like tar.

“I’ll be back as fast as I can.” he promised.

 

By the time Levi remembered to blink, he was gone.

 

The ground quaked under the running titans, and his body immediately took over - aim, swing, jump, kill. His mind, however, remained a muddled mess.

 

_How many times has this been?_

 

_How many times will this be?_

 

_How can you never remember anything?_

 

_What happened to you after I died?_

 

_How many more times will I have to see you cry?_

 

His pulse quickened.

 

_How long did you mourn for me?_

 

He lifted his blade to strike.

 

_Did you at least take my corpse with you to see the ocean?_

 

The realisation came like a stab to the chest, but Levi’s arm was already in motion. With a sickening squelch, his blade impaled the titan’s shoulder, nowhere near where he had originally aimed (who would have thought the only person able to render Humanity’s Strongest completely useless was none other but Humanity’s Last Hope). It stuck almost hilt deep and Levi’s momentum could only last so long, before he was swinging like a pendulum, one-handedly holding onto his weapon.

 

He could have easily brought up his other sword and finish the job, but he couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t think. The words resonated in his mind like bell chiming.

 

_My corpse._

 

Levi was already dead. It wasn’t even funny anymore, whether this was a bad induced hallucination and he was actually in a coma or whether this was his punishment for being responsible for the deaths of so many innocent lives. So many Survey Corps dead - under his guidance. He’d never allow himself to feel guilt, never stopped to think about it because he knew he’d lose his composure; but after so many lifetimes, the biggest question remained ‘what if?’

 

He was already dead, and yet Eren had to suffer an even worse fate than his. How many times has Eren subconsciously watched his lover die? Which lifetime is real, and which fades to nothingness when I am gone?

 

How much of this is _real?_

 

The titan turned suddenly, and Levi’s hand, slick with sweat, slipped off his lifeline. But this time, he didn’t panic. If anything, he closed his eyes, not even phased anymore when the same agonising pain ran through his lower body light electric currents when he hit the ground. 

 

The last thing he heard was a titan’s roar, _Eren’s_ roar, before he blacked out.

 

* * *

 

“No,” a voice sobbed from above him. “You can’t die, you _can’t_ …”

 

It had barely been seconds before he’d regained his bearings after his last death, and Levi was already fighting the urge to cry. His stomach dropped when enough light filtered through his eyes to see glassy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, Eren’s lip trembling as forced down the lumps in his throat.

 

“S-Stay here, I’ll get Hanji, alright-”

“Slow the fuck down brat, I’m not going anywhere.” Levi’s surprised at how strong his voice sounded. Apparently, Eren was too.

“Levi…” 

Warm lips pressed against his own, and the breath Levi had been conserving came out in a sigh, momentarily losing himself in the only love he had ever known. Ever will know. Testing out his body, he found he could only move one arm, but it was enough. He brought his hand up to cover Eren’s, resting on the junction of Levi’s neck, and the kiss became that much sweeter.

 

As Eren pulled away for breath, Levi forced himself to swallow, almost choking. “Hey, listen to me alright?” The kiss had made everything clear. He knew what he had to do; how to stop this cycle. He didn’t know why he had never thought of it before.

 

Eren sniffed. “What? Are you going to tell me it was stupid that I left you alone? That I basically sent you off to your death and now you hate me?”

Coldness resettled in Levi's bones. “Brat-”

“Or that I should have come quicker with backup?” Eren pressed, his voice growing louder. “Or turned back sooner when I felt something was wrong?! You think I already don’t know how much of a mistake that was?!”

“Goddamn it, Eren, stop putting words into my mouth!” The world was already spinning, yet he could still clearly see the pain, grief and desperation on his lover’s face. How did he ever come to deserve such a person?

 

“Eren, shut up, I-” Thickness built up in his throat at the effort to speak and Levi instinctively coughed, a mouthful of blood accompanying.

“Levi? Levi!” The grip around his hand turned from loving to painful, and Levi had to close his eyes.

“Eren, I lo-”

 

The world is a cruel place.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll keep them here. You go back to Erwin and help with the capture.” The words were coming out of his mouth before Levi even realised the cycle had begun again. His head throbbed with pain from the mental strain, but he remained upright, willing his face to remain passive.

 

“What? You want to take on _twelve_ yourself? You may be Humanity’s Strongest, but-”

Levi rubbed his temple, his words monotonous. “Are you questioning your Captain?”

“Well then, what do you suggest I do?! Leave you to die?!”

“Who said anything about dying, brat?” Levi frowned at the slight change in dialogue compared to the other deaths he had relived. He shook his head. A mere coincidence, he told himself.

 

Levi gave a half-hearted shove to Eren’s shoulder. “The more time you waste the more effort goes wasted in this mission. Now _leave_.”

 

Hesitantly, Eren took a few steps towards his horse, watching Levi as the man turned his back to him and unsheathed both his blades. Eren’s hand hovered over the reins. He pursed his lips. “No.”

 

The world seemed to come to a complete halt. “What?”

“No,” Eren stepped away determinedly from the stallion. “No, I won’t leave you. I believe the Commander will be able to capture the titan successfully without my aid.”

_What was going on?_

“Even if they fail, the titan can escape. I don’t care.” 

Levi felt a hand snake into his own.

“If-If I lose you over this, my freedom won’t matter anymore. I’ll kill myself.” 

 

Eren gently pulled Levi closer, embracing the man against his chest. His voice trembled, “Seeing the ocean is worth nothing, Levi, unless it’s with you.”

 

Eren felt arms around him tighten in response, maybe even the tiniest wet patch on his shoulder, before Levi shoved him abruptly away. “Watch out, you idiot!”

Eren turned his head just as Levi swung towards the titan, killing him in a clean motion.

“Don’t transform!” Levi shouted. “Erwin will take it as a sign something’s wrong and he’ll stop the mission!”

“Yes, Captain!”

 

Together, they flew for the trees.

 

* * *

 

“There’s one more.”

“I know, Captain.” _But the question is, where was it?_

 

Something was wrong, Levi knew that much. Something about their position, and the tree they were standing on… Then it hit him. Why Eren looked so familiar where he stood. That dreaded feeling in his gut.

 

That was where Levi had stood before he died.

 

Levi’s answer came almost immediately, a titan’s hand shooting out from nowhere and fisting around Eren before the boy could even turn. His eyes bugged with panic and realisation, and Levi cursed at himself for not being able to react faster, _realise_ that this would happen.

 

Eren struggled wildly, arms pinned to his sides, and forced himself not to scream when hot breath came closer and closer to his body…and then the pressure was released and he grabbed clumsily at a branch intercepting his path to the ground, his 3D manoeuvre gear crushed from the titan’s grip. Black dots threatened to overtake his sight but he winced and squinted upwards.

 

Only to see the titan’s hand shredded in half, a chunk of flesh from it’s neck steaming on the ground and the upper half of Levi’s body hanging limp from the mouth of the titan.

 

“LEVI!”

 

As if on cue, Levi fell towards the ground along with the titan. Eren hastily leaped off his branch, ignoring the pain that shot up his ankles when he landed, and slid to the ground just in time to catch Levi.

 

The man’s eyes were closed, his whole, usually pristine white shirt, soaked up to his harness with crimson. And below the waist…the only thing that kept Eren from screaming was the small, shallow breaths that inclined Levi’s chest in the slightest movement.

 

“Levi…”

_He could hear his name…wasn’t that his name? He didn’t know anymore. He was just so tired…_

“Levi, you’ve got to get up, you _can’t_ just…why would you even do that?!”

“You’re asking me?” Levi murmured, opening his eyes slightly. When he saw the face that greeted him, he almost immediately closed them.

“How could you even say that?! How can you- Hey, Levi, look at me, alright? Look at me. Don’t look anywhere else but my eyes. You’ll be fine. You won’t-”

“Eren?”

“Y-Yeah?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

The calling of birds echoed around them, and Eren brought Levi closer to him in response. He hoped Levi couldn’t feel how hard his heart was beating, or how his hands trembled when he peeled strands of hair away from Levi’s eyes. The silence remained elongated, until the metallic stench of blood could no longer go unnoticed.

 

“Levi…Levi, I’m sorry, but I have to move you, we’ve got to get you to Hanji to stop the blood-”

“Why do you have to bring her up every single time, I swear…”

“Huh?”

“Look, just…” For once, the pain didn’t bother him. Levi allowed a small smile to grace his features, watching Eren freeze at the gesture. “Let me stay here, okay?”

 

Eren simply nodded, biting his lip. He wouldn’t allow himself to continue crying, not when Levi was in more pain then him. He decided to lean forward and pressed his forehead against his lover’s, hoping it would covey every feeling, every thought, exactly how much love he felt for the man that he couldn’t bring himself to say.

 

Eren’s arms were a burning warmth around him. His eyes were slightly ajar and an even brighter shade of teal blue it had ever been before; if Levi ever saw the ocean, he imagined it would be this colour. It was supposed to be beautiful, right? Lifting his arm slowly, he grimaced in pain and frustration as it wouldn’t go further than a few mere centimetres. Eren’s gaze softened and helped bring his hand to touch his face.

 

Levi didn’t even have to think about what to say this time. “Marry me in the next life, brat.”

 

The small intake of breathe didn’t go missed by Levi. The tiniest of smiles appeared on Eren’s face, and Levi knew his answer. He felt his eyelids close, and in the first time in what felt like an eternity, he felt at peace. 

 

Levi didn’t wake up again.

 


End file.
